Category Archives: Attitude

Wants Versus Wishes

24 March 2014

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Everything you have in life is because you wanted it. The things you own, the people you surround yourself with and the things you do each day are all your creation. Your decision to want that in your life.

You keep what you want, ignore or remove what you don’t.

You might hate your job but the truth is, you don’t want to leave because you’re afraid of the unknown. You want the comfort of knowing what comes tomorrow.

Your relationship might’ve been over a long time ago but you don’t want to leave because you don’t want to be alone. There is safety in pairs.

You’re always broke and never able to get ahead but you don’t want to work another job to make more money. You can’t afford that new purse but you want it, so you put it on your credit card.

You don’t want to leave your job. You don’t want to find someone new (or be alone.) You don’t want to have money in the bank.

You don’t want to be active. You don’t want to be skinny.

You don’t want to travel the world.

You don’t want to learn how to speak Italian.

You might think you want these things. But you don’t.

You don’t want any of it.

But you wish you did.

And there’s a difference between wanting something and wishing for something.

If you want something, you’ll make it happen. You’re willing to sacrifice whatever you need in order to have the things you want in life. If you hate your job, you’re willing to risk opening the door into the unknown to find work that’s rewarding.

If you’re not happy in your relationship, you might wish things were different. But if you want them to be different, then you’ll do whatever it takes to try to fix what’s broken or have the courage to leave and be alone.

If you don’t want to be broke anymore, you’ll find a way to get out of debt and start saving money. You’ll quit spending money on shit you don’t need. You’ll pick up extra hours at work or find another job. Maybe you’ll start a side hustle to earn extra money.

If you want to travel the world but you’re not traveling the world, you don’t really want to. You’re just wishing.

You don’t want to be fit and healthy. You’re just wishing.

It’s time for you to stop wishing and start wanting. Want it bad enough to make it happen.

Wanting without action is still wishing.

Don’t wish your life away.

When Your Excuses are Just Excuses

24 February 2014

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It took me a long time to figure out that I control my life.

I used to believe I didn’t have a choice.

Each day was a repeat of the one before and the next would be the same as today. Nothing ever changed.

I made excuses.

I never had enough time or money. I didn’t have enough time because I was always working so I could have enough money. But no matter how much I worked, I never seemed to have enough money.

I was like a prisoner in my own life.

I didn’t have dreams.

All I could focus on was the day ahead. The bills due at the end of the week.

I wasn’t happy.

But I also wasn’t miserable enough to have a reason to change. The Comfort Zone. That place where you could be doing something better with your life but you’re afraid of the risk.

What if you fail?

At least you have a job. Even if you aren’t happy, it pays the bills. Maybe your marriage has dulled over the years, but it could be worse. You aren’t fighting all the time. And sure, you’ve put on a few pounds over the years, but at least you can still see the tip when you take a piss…

You get through the day by minimizing the problems and making excuses for the way things are. This is your security blanket to protect you from the realities of your life. The reality that you know you deserve better … that you’re capable of more.

You sacrifice your dreams in exchange for comfort and the illusion of security. You’re complacent and complicit. And until acted upon by an outside force, you’ll remain this way until you die.

Motivation rarely comes from within. You’re too busy trying to justify the way things are instead of doing anything to fix them. You spin things in your mind and find reasons why the problems aren’t your fault. You don’t want to take responsibility. So you blame someone else.

And so your dreams are never realized. Your goals never met.

And the cycle repeats itself.

“It isn’t my fault.”

Have your excuses become just that?

Excuses.

A Train Wreck of Choice & Circumstance

29 January 2014

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That’s all life is; a train wreck of choices and circumstance.

Every day we’ve had to make choices based on the circumstances of our life at that moment in time. It’s been that way ever since we were no longer shitting in our diapers. Sometimes we felt in control of those choices and other times it seemed like we didn’t have any other alternative.

Each of these decisions has led to exactly this moment. Whether your life is perfect or totally miserable, it’s this way because you chose for it to be this way.

If your life is good, you’ll agree with me. You know that everything you have today is because you worked hard to get it. You know there were times when you wanted to quit and it felt like the struggle wasn’t worth it. But you persisted and here you are. Everything might not be exactly as you’d liked it to be. But you’re okay with that because you know you’ve done your best and this is what you’ve got … what you’ve earned.

And if your life is shit, you’re going to argue and outline all the reasons I’m wrong. Or explain why you’re the exception. You’ll call me names and say I don’t know what I’m talking about. You’ll say I need to try living in the “Real World,” as so many people just like you seem to enjoy labeling their lives … as though there’s some alternate dimension I’ve been occupying all these years.

I know bad things happens. I’ve been through a lot in my life.

I was raised in a broken home by an alcoholic mother and a multitude of abusive men who came and went like the weather. My father committed suicide when I was in the third grade after I admitted to my mom that he’d been sexually abusing me. I used to blame myself for his death. It’s still hard sometimes not to feel responsible.

I’ve been homeless, sleeping at friends’ houses until I was no longer welcome. I had no other place to go. Sometimes I’d stay the night with complete strangers that my mom would meet in the bars. I was twelve when I first smoked pot and I started drinking and doing drugs regularly as an escape from it all a few years later. I was arrested and put in jail at eighteen.

I’ve lived in the “Real World.”

I didn’t like it.

Changing my life didn’t happen overnight. It happened slowly, one choice at a time. The choice to get clean. The choice to go back to school. The choice to get out of debt. The choice to travel. The choice to live life on my own terms. The choice to seek adventure. To find happiness. To be honest and vulnerable to hurt.

Even though none of us can control what happens to us, we still have the power to influence the outcome of our lives by how we react to any situation. Stop being a victim to the circumstances of your life. Don’t just be the product of other people. Choose yourself and begin creating a life you never thought possible.

It’s your choice.