Frugal for All the Right Reasons

"Endless Travel" by buggee @ FlickrMany people think that frugality means a person is a tightwad, boring or self-righteous.  There is a perception that a person cannot be fun or exciting if they chose to spend money thoughtfully instead of frivolously.  A frugal person may not coalesce in a circle of friends which finds itself socializing over drinks at an expensive lounge, however, this does not reduce that person to a boring stiff.  It only means that their priorities are in different places.

For me, frugality is all about living in harmony with my values, my environment and my finances.

The way we are treating the planet frightens me. We have an ocean being choked by our discarded plastics, polar ice caps which are disappearing, and Air Quality Alerts have become as common as Thunderstorm Warnings.  Frugality allows me to eliminate the volume of stuff which passes through my hands and into a landfill by not buying it in the first place.

I haven’t always had this perspective about waste. I used to be a super-consumer, buying everything I could get my hands on. There was an insatiable desire for stuff. I never had enough and always needed more.  As I began to analyze my life and my priorities with more scrutiny I learned that I was not directing my finances in ways which were conducive to my values.

I would always talk about wanting to travel around the world, but instead of saving for a plane ticket, I would buy a DVD. Instead of getting my passport, I would spend the money on clothing. I knew what my priorities were, but because I wasn’t aligning my spending with them, it was likely that I would never accomplish anything I wanted to.

Eventually I realized that by spending frivolously I was blocking my own success. I was living paycheck to paycheck because I was spending as fast as the money would come into my hands.  When I stopped spending my money on things which provided my life with no value I began accomplishing my goal of travel. 

My first travels were short camping excursions to the Rocky Mountains and extended weekend trips to other places I’ve always wanted to see like Niagara Falls and Washington, DC.  As I continued directing my finances in ways conducive to my goals, the trips began getting longer and further away.  My first major international trip was to Argentina for 2 weeks and about 6 months later I was off to Aruba for a 2 week vacation in the sand and sun.  Now I’m looking forward to 9 days in the Las Vegas area at the end of May.

The same people who may consider my frugality boring often tell me they wish that they could afford to travel as often as I am able to.  They seem to think I hold some sort of secret that I’m not letting them in on but the truth of the matter is that I prioritize my time and money in ways which allow me to achieve my goals.

Finding Meaning

Gate at front of Old farmhouse by aussie julie "life through a lens" on FlickrIt seems so long ago since I discovered what direction I wanted my life to go.  In reality, it has only been a couple of years but so much has happened in that time.

Before realizing what was important in my life, I had no direction.  I was living day to day with no plan for the future and I was not focusing any energy towards acheiving anything better for myself.  At the time, I didn’t realize that I was wasting my life.  I would find ways of bringing happiness and pleasure into my life, mostly through acquiring material possessions.

The more stuff that I bought, the better I felt, the more successful I thought I was.  The feeling of success wasn’t for having actually accomplished anything with my life, but rather because I had acquired objects that I thought would project the image of success.  In reality I was broke, working at a job that barely made ends meet, but I had my stuff.  Maybe you know the feeling.

I wanted to project an image, but eventually I would realize that no one cared.

I understand now that purchasing all of this stuff was only a way for me to fill something that was missing in my life in a material way.   It wasn’t until I realized that an apartment littered with inanimate objects wasn’t making me happy that the accumulation of material possessions was no longer an important part of my life.  I didn’t feel like I had to buy something in order to project an image of success.  As long as in my heart I knew that I was doing everything I could to accomplish my goals, what I owned wasn’t important.

People project the image of success in various ways.  Some use fancy cars, big houses, complex home theatre systems and flat-screen TVs.  If you are one of these people who continually buys things because of the happiness you experience from having that object in your life, look inward and try to focus on what is actually missing in your life.  I’m going to bet that it isn’t that “Jersey Girl” DVD you thought you couldn’t possibly live without.

Find your focus and align your lifestyle in a way that is harmonious with your new vision of life.  Once you have a direction in life it is much easier to get to where you are going.

Goals & Relationships

There are many factors in maintaining a healthy, loving and lasting relationship with your significant other; trust, honesty, fidelity and communication.  How many of us are in a relationship but aren’t sure what our girlfriend’s, boyfriend’s, husband’s or wive’s goals are?  An even bigger question might be, “Do our goals conflict?”

Sometimes goals are very personal and do not directly impact another person.  Some goals on the other hand may require huge life changes or taking a direction that your companion isn’t comfortable taking.  When conflicts like this arise, and likely they will, what can a person do?

First, talk to your partner.  Be direct, honest and open about why the goal is important to you.  Express yourself in a constructive way, don’t get defensive or accuse your partner of being unsupportive.  Maybe they just don’t understand your reason for wanting to do something.  It is possible that they are afraid and worry about your well-being.  Remember, they love you.

Second, listen to their feelings.  Not only listen to what they say, but really try to understand how they feel.  How would you feel if you were in their shoes?  Be honest.  Don’t just tell yourself you’d be supportive because that is what you want from them.

Third, come to an agreement.  Don’t try to win an arguement, instead, find compromise.  Getting your way at the expense of your partner’s feelings will only damage the relationship.  Try to find a solution that works for both of you.

Mutual Goals

Relationships can be strengthened through sharing common goals.  Maybe the goal is going to Hawaii next winter, or working together to remodel the upstairs bathroom.  Maybe the goal is to become debt-free.  Whatever the goal, having something to work on together forms strong emotional bonds in relationships.

Even with mutual goals, it is important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about those goals.  There may be lingering uncertainty and open and honest dialogue will help to resolve any anxiety your partner may have. 

Talk to your partner, share your dreams and walk through life hand in hand accomplishing everything you desire in life.  Life is more fun when there is someone to share the joy of success, and much easier when they are there to offer support and motivation when the goal seems impossible.

“Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.”

     -Author Unknown