Author Archives: Steven

Perfectly Unsatisfied

3 April 2010

9 Comments

In the quest to become a perfect version of ourselves, our focus is perpetually fixed on our shortcomings and we become obsessed with improving any deficiencies in our lives.  Like a disease, our acute awareness of imperfection begins to infect other aspects of our lives.  No longer are we focusing solely on ameliorating our own character flaws.  Now, what began as an internal aspiration to better ourselves begins to spread and affect others.

The imperfections of those around us begin to complicate our quest for a perfect life.  Our focus shifts from correcting our own character flaws to trying to correct the character flaws of our partners (children, family or friends).  We offer suggestions and innocent critiques to try to encourage them to change and improve.  Our intentions are good, yet toxic to the relationship.  By focusing our attention on their flaws, we poison the relationship.  Before long we forget all about the positive qualities of that person, our supportive tone becomes critical and our gentle encouragement turns to venom.

Our effort to create a perfect life has taken an unexpected turn and now, rather than perfection, we have become perfectly unsatisfied.  How can we pursue a perfect life without harming our relationships?

It is Your Journey, Not Theirs.  When our lives are intimately entangled with others, the boundary of individuality is often blurred and it is easy to lose our sense of self.   When you become frustrated with others, remind yourself that this is your journey. 

Lead by Example.  If you want someone to change, instead of criticizing their current lifestyle, be a model of success.  When people begin to notice a positive change in your behavior or attitude, it will influence them to improve their own life.  Share your excitement about the changes you have made!

Be Patient.  Breaking a habit or changing a lifestyle doesn’t happen overnight.  Your own transformation is the result of your desire to change coupled with persistence and daily diligence.  Be supportive and offer encouragement rather than judgement.

Watch Your Mouth.  Words are powerful and have the potential to lift a person up or tear them down.  How you chose your words affects your relationship with others and can influence their desire to change…or not.

Appreciate People for Who They Are.  Why is this person a part of your life?  Is it because they make you laugh?  Do they support you in times of need?   Maybe they share in your wild and wacky adventures or just love you unconditionally.  Stop focusing on what is wrong and appreciate them for the person they are.

Perfection Doesn’t Exist.  Not really.  Even if it did, it is the imperfections that make life interesting.  It is the challenges that give life meaning.  Try not to get hung up on perfection.  Instead, enjoy life for the gift that it is, bad breath, pimples and all.

Livin’ Like a Drug Dealer

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“They must be drug dealers. How else could they possibly afford to live the way they do?”

On the outside, my life might seem glamorous, the life of a drug dealer, full of money and expensive trips around the world. In the last year I spent a week in the Las Vegas area, went on a month-long road trip on the west coast and returned to California a month later to camp in Yosemite, went cruising around the Caribbean and last week was spent visiting a friend in Germany. In two months I’ll be visiting Iceland and a month later I’ll spend two weeks in Kauai, Hawaii.

Most people only ever dream of traveling to the extent that I’m able and some speculate that such a lifestyle can only be attained through illegal means, such as dealing drugs. What many people ignore are the sacrifices I make in my daily life in order to afford to live the way I do. If you want to live like a drug dealer, I can show you exactly how I am able to do it, no drugs necessary.

Rule 1) You Can Have Anything but You Can’t Have Everything. When we are kids our parents tell us that we can grow up to be anything we want to be. It’s true. With enough hard work, we can become anything we want to be but we can’t become everything we want to be. You can have anything you want in life, for me this is travel, but you can’t have everything. You have to make a choice. Do you want to travel or do you want to drive a sexy sports car?

Rule 2) Stop Paying Attention to Others. We only see what other people want us to see. People do not want us to know that they can’t really afford exotic vacations, expensive designer clothes, luxury automobiles, dinner at exclusive restaurants and drinks after work. Our society believes that being rich means looking rich. We spend our money trying to keep up appearances, all the while completely undermining our financial stability. Being rich and having money has nothing to do with what you drive or the clothes you wear. Ignore other people and focus on your own financial situation and on your own dreams.

Rule 3) Stay Out of Debt. If you’re in debt, get out. When you’re always paying for the past, you’re unable to focus on today or the future. Since beginning this website I’ve eliminated my credit card debt and paid off my car loan.  Now I’m able to apply that money towards doing other things in my life, such as travel. Debt holds you hostage. You become a slave to your lenders and you spend your days working for the banks and credit card companies. The money you earn doesn’t belong to you and until you eliminate your debt, you’re not in control of your life.

Rule 4) Stop Buying Shit You Don’t Need. Really. If you want to live like a drug dealer, you can’t spend all of your money on stupid shit that brings no value to your life. My money is spent on plane tickets and hotel rooms, the things that I value and that bring enjoyment to my life. I don’t spend money on media, cigarettes, alcohol, clothing, etc. I live minimally and only try to spend my money on the things that I need. Stop buying shit you don’t need and you’ll have money to spend on the things that you want to do in your life.

Rule 5) Make Life a Priority. Stop thinking about all of the things you want to do in life and make them happen. It took me a long time to stop making excuses. There is always a reason not to do something and so long as you continue to use these excuses as justification for not pursuing your desires, your life will never change or improve. If you want something in life, you can’t expect for it to happen to you, you must make it happen. You have to be aggressive and punch life in the face!

The rules of living like a drug dealer are simple, totally legal and can work for anyone. You don’t need to earn a lot of money to live a great life. You just need to be smart with the money you earn and prioritize the things that are important to you. Once you begin to follow these simple rules and apply them to your life, you can be certain that your life will begin to take shape in exactly the way you have envisioned in your mind.

Time to Change

27 February 2010

3 Comments

Rather than a lengthy article, today I am calling for action.

In the few moments which you would usually spend reading about motivation and goals, use this time as an opportunity to improve or change a small piece of your life.

Pick up the phone and call your mother, father, brother, sister, son or daughter, for no other reason than to say “Hello.”

Write an old fashioned letter to your significant other telling them how much you appreciate and love them.

Lace up your shoes and go for a walk.

Send an email inquiring about how you can become involved in a local charity or organization.

Change in life begins small, the same way the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.