Category Archives: Behavior

Five Secrets of Successful People

10 May 2009

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"Abandoned Doorway" by donnacorless @ FlickrThere are times in life when we feel like no matter what we do, nothing works.   We feel like a failure and to make matters worse, life has an uncanny way of kicking us when we are down.  There are moments when we think it may be better to give up.  We begin to realize that the effort is no longer worth the reward.  We question ourselves; our ability, our intelligence.  All around us we are surrounded by people who never seem to struggle, never fail, always succeed.  What do these people have that you don’t?  What separates those who succeed and those who fail?

How can you become a success?

There is something to be said about the power of an individual.  Some people have natural talents while others have to work hard in order to perfect their skills, though many successful people have these 5 qualities in common.  If we can learn to incorporate these 5 qualities of successful people into our own lives we will begin to see a shift in our own lives.

Vision. Successful people have a great sense of foresight.  They set out with a goal in mind and use this goal as a guidepost to help navigate their lives.  They align their actions with their values and priorities, never losing sight of their ultimate goals.

Focused Intensity. Having a goal is a great starting point but it isn’t enough on its own.  In order to gain forward momentum you need passion.  If you are not passionate about your goal you will not have the motivation required to push forward.  It isn’t enough to say you want to a millionaire if you don’t know why.  If you are passionate about your goal, you will have the focused intensity you need for a successful journey.

Commitment. Vision & Intensity are vital factors in success but are of little use if you don’t have commitment.  There are times when you will be faced with challenges.  These challenges can be incredibly frustrating & discouraging.  At times it will seem as if the only option is to give up on your goals.   Having commitment to your goal will allow you to press forward through your challenges.

Attitude. Having a positive attitude is beneficial in accomplishing your goals.  Having a negative attitude will only hinder your potential.  Having a positive attitude will also help you to get through the challenges that you face.  Along with a positive attitude, confidence is also important.  If you are confident in your ability to accomplish your goals others will be more inclined to be confident in your ability as well.  Having other people who believe in you will help build a support system and sometimes these people can also open the door to your success.

Flexibility. As I’ve already discussed, there are times when you will be faced with challenges or opportunities which may require you to temporarily turn your back on your goal.  Having the ability to adapt and be flexible is an important strength which successful people possess.  Sometimes we are so focused on our goals that we turn a blind eye to other opportunities.  Be conscience of these opportunities, even if it means delaying the pursuit of your goals as they may lead to something better.

Making the Best of a Bad Situation

27 April 2009

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Friday was my last day of work before being laid off and many people wished me the best of luck in my future.  With all of the well wishes, I began to wonder how much “luck” influences a successful future.

"My Destiny" by kh2rac @ FlickrThere is no doubt that there have been many people who have been in the right place at the right time and found themselves in a lucky situation.  There are people who win the lottery.  At times I have felt that luck was responsible for what had happened to me.  I found $10 on the ground and felt lucky, but was it really luck that was responsible?

People feel as though their lives are guided by destiny and have a predetermined course of events which is beyond their control.  To a certain degree I agree that people have a destiny in life, but I do not think it is a predetermined nor beyond our control.  Each choice we make in life is like choosing a direction.  By making a choice you have eliminated the alternative.

That isn’t to say that if the decision that was made was not the best choice that we are unable to change our course.  Oftentimes the best way for a person to learn is from their mistakes.  By making mistakes we are able to understand what works and what doesn’t, what is right and what is wrong.  It is better to take chances and make mistakes than it is to live life cautiously and never take a chance at all.

There are times in life when fate seems to take control.  Something happens in our lives that was just meant to happen.  After a long history of bad relationships, a chance encounter with a nice young lady turns into a lifelong love story.  A person who has a constant run of bad luck may accept that this is their fate.  Fate is something that I do not believe in.  Things happen to people, some good and others bad, but it does not mean it is fate and it does not mean that you can’t change it.  If you feel as though you never catch a break in life it isn’t because of fate, it is a result of how you chose to live your life.  Any number of things control our fate and they are all things we have the power to change; attitude, fear, motivation, desire, ability.

Ninety percent of the world population practice some form of religion.  They feel as though God (Buddha, Allah, Jehovah) control their lives and what happens to them is of a divine origin.  I will not contest the theology of billions of people, however I am reminded of a story about a man who lived by a river:

A man heard a radio report that the river was going to rush up and flood the town.  The radio report suggested that all the residents of the community evacuate their homes. Instead of leaving his home, the man said, ‘I’m religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me.’

The waters rose up. A guy in a row boat came along and he shouted, ‘Hey, hey you! You in there. The town is flooding. Let me take you to safety.’ But the man shouted back, ‘I’m religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me.’

A helicopter was hovering overhead. And a guy with a megaphone shouted, ‘Hey you, you down there. The town is flooding. Let me drop this ladder and I’ll take you to safety.’ But the man shouted back that he was religious, that he prayed, that God loved him and that God will take him to safety.

Well… the man drowned. And standing at the gates of St. Peter, he demanded an audience with God. ‘Lord,’ he said, ‘I’m a religious man, I pray. I thought you loved me. Why did this happen?’

God said, ‘I sent you a radio report, a helicopter, and a guy in a rowboat. What the hell are you doing here?

Destiny, Fate and God all seem like good options for excusing our situations in life but by doing this we are only limiting our possibility.  If we don’t take matters into our own hands and do everything we can to make our lives the way we want them to be, things will never change or get better.  There will always be exceptions to the rules, those who will get lucky, but why should you rely on luck when you already have the ability to change your life?

There are plenty of people who feel as though life has dealt them a bad hand.  If you are one of these people, it is time to change the way you think.  Stop focusing on the negativity of the past.  Instead, focus on the opportunity of the future.  You can change your life, you can improve your life, you can be a success.

There may be people, places and things in life that are restricting your potential.  Don’t blame others for where you are in life.  It is easy for us to blame these outside influences but it doesn’t help fix anything.  By blaming our problems on anything other than ourselves we are only further perpetuating our circumstances.

Luck isn’t something we need in order to have a successful future.  What we do need is the determination to change our situations, the ability to overcome our fears and the opportunity to break free of what is restraining our potential.  All of this falls squarely in our hands and we are responsible for improving our lives.  That isn’t luck.

Rationalizing Your Behavior

26 March 2009

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While reading an article in On Earth Magazine, I came across a very interesting quote:

“…Downplaying individual actions is another way we rationalize our behavior.”

by rachel.am @ FlickrI couldn’t say how many times I’ve told myself that I am only one person and it doesn’t matter what I do because my actions will not change the world or have an impact in any way.  Even though I knew that recycling was important I felt like my efforts were wasted or at least nuetralized by my neighbors garbage cans packed full of recyclables.  Eventually I began to realize that while it is true that I am only one person, a community is built of individuals and the world is built of communities.  Instead of being a part of the problem because I felt as though my efforts wouldn’t make an impact I decided to do what I could to be a part of the solution, even if only in my small ways.

Downplaying our individual actions is only one way which we rationalize our behavior.  We also use the “But Everyone Has A…” Mentality.  We rationalize that because “everyone” has credit card debt or a car payment that it is acceptable that we have these things as well.  Even though we are hurting our overall financial health by having these things we justify it based on the criterion of comparing our situation to those around us.

I’ve used this method of justification countless times.  When I was in credit card debt I felt as though it was an acceptable situation to be in because everyone I knew had credit card debt, and many of those people had much more debt than I did.  In my mind, despite the fact that there were times when I was not able to make the minimum monthly payment, I felt that I was doing fine.  I thought personal finance meant being able to pay the bills at the end of the month.  I had no reason to believe that “normal” people could save money and not have to live paycheck to paycheck.  I was in denial of my situation and using any excuse I could to rationalize my behavior and tell myself that my situation was acceptable.

We also rationalize purchases when we are out shopping.  You may find yourself saying “I might need this someday,” and 6 months later you find that item stuck away somewhere never having been used.  You put it back wherever you found it and that is where it will remain until the next time you are cleaning.  We find ourselves in a pattern of purchasing and hoarding items that while having potential of being used, oftentimes do not.

I used to be a compulsive spender.  I had collections of just about everything a person could imagine.  There were coin collections, magazine collections, trading card collections, toy collections, DVD & CD collections, vinyl records…even though I didn’t have a record player.  I would constantly add new things to my previous collections or find something new to collect.  I had a sort of hoarder mentality.  I thought that there may be some value to the things which I was collecting, and to some degree I was right, but for the most part I was collecting stuff out of some strange obsession with acquiring material objects.  As I work towards purging my life of all of the things which I acquired I still battle against the thinking that I am letting go of opportunity to capitalize on the sale of these items or that somehow they will bring some sort of value to my life.  I know that neither of these assumptions are true, but I still struggle with them.

Rationalizing your behavior is a “defense mechanism in which unacceptable behaviors are explained in a rational or logical manner and avoids the true explanation of the behavior.”  You are making excuses, and even though they may seem reasonable, they are still just excuses.